I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad
among men than when we stay in our chambers.
~Henry David Thoreau

Solitude is inevitable to anyone who has experienced a bad relationship. It is a state where you feel like being on the edge of yourself, that it suffocates you further just by thinking about it. This feeling can absolutely be mind-boggling and frightening. Solitude has been experienced by us all, in my opinion. It has engulfed us completely at some point, though sometimes not entirely, it surely left an imprint that can take a long time to heal. If solitude is felt during a bad relationship, well, it probably might be the end. It’s unfair, yes, but so is love in solitude. On a personal note, I’ve associated it with my deepest interest in getting back together with an ex. Then, it leads to a wide-array of feelings which can make someone confused, even lost. It eventually becomes the center of our thoughts and feelings towards that one question that is sometimes hard to answer, “Why?” Why did it end like this? Why did he / she do what they did?


The one thing that I’ve learned is that not every relationship can be saved, despite both parties’ well-meant efforts to bring it back.

During the state of solitude, we sometimes enter a new relationship in order to fill up the space that the former love had brought. Though as an advice, entering a new relationship while in this state is ill-advised. More often than not, we may hurt ourselves more than what we are already currently in. And yes, we might use this opportunity to correct what we have done in the past and do it differently or even to completely forget. But as saddening as it may seem, it will not be enough - it won’t even be right. I cannot say this enough, but if you are not happy about yourself at the moment, how can you possibly ensure that you can make others happy ? let alone free yourself from the solitude that you are feeling. You have to be mindful that a new relationship will only fill a part of you - not completely, and certainly not all aspects; and especially never the emptiness you feel. I strongly believe that there will always be a space for the solitude, that empty part that you can never fill. Ever. Based on personal counts, this empty space continues to exist even during the most loving relationships. Sure enough that when people engage themselves completely with their love for each other, they’ll cherish it and fill it with all kinds of things - yet it can never fill the part of what’s lost. Never. Trust me, I know. I’ve been there.

This part that I am talking about does not only stay to exist yet it grows, especially when we are alone, when we have no one. It seems and feels like it stretches for all eternity, like it is without an end. With that, it may look like there can never be anyone at all. However, we have to bear in mind that whoever shall come into your life will “not be able” to fill up the space, like what I’ve said a little earlier. But what’s more important is that you understand that they can’t and that you should not expect them to - for expectations will again lead to another phase of solitude, and nobody wants to undergo through that again. Although, there are times when we wish it’s the other way around that anyone can simply just fill it up for us to be completely happy. But, it’s just not the case. Our fallback, every so often, are in the hands of our friends. We hang out with them with the desire to fill up the space that we are missing with good talks, laughs, and other random things that momentarily takes our mind off things. We expect them to make us happy.

Friends, relatives, families, and acquaintances are what I consider as one of the most wonderful gifts a person receives in his / her lifetime. We are both grateful and fortunate to have them, may it be in the times of need or to just have fun. But, what we need to understand is that whether they are the most important persons in your life and you to them, you cannot expect them to be there for you 24/7. They are busy with their own lives to even pay that close attention to all our needs. I have seen it happened a lot of times, some of which are that of my own. Notice that when we are in a relationship, we center our attention to filling the space that was lost to our then-partners; and when we are single, on our friends. We should not misunderstand this. This is not a supplication with whom we need to latch ourselves to during solitude. This is about us learning to embrace that blank space within us. And sometimes, the easy way out to any solitude phase that you feel is acceptance.

In my honest opinion, that space does not need to be filled. There, I’ve said it. And it’s quite true that if we just get down with ourselves and think, we’ll realize that a person can never be whole. It’s important that we do understand this part. Yes, society now influences us on how we should live our lives. It drives us to think that the space needs to be filled out by someone, anyone - may it be our lovers, friends, families, and/or acquaintances. But instead, we should find our niche and discover what works for us best. Well, because first of all, these are our lives, right?


I am actually not a fan of this setup ? us having the thought of having someone fill up spaces of our life just for us to be completely happy. Why? Well, it blinds us in seeing our true capacity of loving life despite having no one. It blinds us that self-love and self-respect should be inferior that the love that we give to others.

Here’s my ultimate standpoint, a part of us is intended to remain empty. Why? This is for the very reason that we can fill it up with all the things we like, with the things that make us alive. Who says it needs to be only one thing when there are countless of things that we can focus ourselves to in order to ultimate happiness. We can fill up the space with anything that we like and how we choose to do it. We hold the very power in making ourselves either empty or happy. And if in one point in time, we may enjoy solitude, then so be it. That’s our prerogative, our right, and we need that from time-to-time. However, if we want to fill it up with things that makes us successful, blissful, independent, and free, then that is absolutely what we should do. One day, it may be our new-found passion and love for travel or business. It may also be the simple existence of a book to wrap us up within the pages of a highly exhilarating novel or even a television series or movies that we relate so much to. The important thing here is we let ourselves be empty so that we can allow ourselves to appreciate the beauty of life itself. It is how we deal in the quiet requiem of pain, drown in the turbulence of emotions brought by a person’s act, and/or engage ourselves completely in love. No, thank you - not with love. I guess this time, I’d rather fill that space with things that really matters: school, travel, music, dance, and blogs.


Alright, so it took me quite some time to realize a lot of things about love, life, and relationships. I thrived in a lot of scenarios that I thought I am incapable of handling, but I did. It took me a few failed relationships to understand that I cannot expect another person to fill the empty space. They simply can’t.


This is why instead of filling my thoughts of the “Whys” and the “Hows” of things especially on how to be successful in handling relationships and being happy, I just fill my life with simple pleasures. With as many as I can. Well, like now.

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life,
not to deny my humanity but embrace it.
~Kevyn Aucoin